Chapter 14

Chapter 14

14 May

Master came back early in the morning with his schoolbag hung on his shoulder. He was a small time theatrical expert and drama director. He directed Ramayana and Krishna stories in the local community, each year. Ruling party decided to groom Kalu Yadav for the stages, so a local leader asked Master to teach Kalu Yadav the art of dramatic expressions in his opening speech. Master offered his services for free, because he was always looking for a chance to read his poems.
Kalu Yadav was sleeping and Master woke him up.
“Look at this.”
“What is this?”
“My new poem! I just wrote it on the way. You must listen to it.”
Before Kalu Yadav could protest Master started reading a long poem. Kalu Yadav went to bathroom Master followed him like a shadow, with his open notebook.
“I have to use bathroom.”
“Don’t worry, I will read my poem aloud.”
Kalu Yadav shut the door and Master was reading his poems aloud.
When Kalu Yadav came to washbasin to shave and Master was on his seventh poem.
A leader came to take him to Airport; Master too hopped in the car with his bag and open notebook. As they arrived on the airport Master was sent to the speech venue on a car, but Kalu Yadav stayed with the VIP’s. Prime Minister arrived on his Jet. He hugged Kalu Yadav. Prime Minister had a very busy schedule. He had to finish his tour in one hour and then he was to fly to east coast to access the cyclone damage. They were directed in the waiting helicopter that brought them at the speech venue in the town. Thousands of people were there to greet the great leaders. Another helicopter brought Chief Minister of the State. Prime Minister gave a small speech and he condemned Ex MP, Narang, and introduced Kalu Yadav to the People of India.

Then Kalu Yadav gave his speech. He thundered and wondered. He roared and shouted. He yelled and barked. He shook and waved the fists. He jumped and stomped. He paced and raced. He punched in the air and on the table. He cried and wept. He bellowed and brayed. He sang and danced. He shook his head and nodded. He sat and stood. He rattled and battled. He stared and gazed. He hissed and missed.

Master had tears in his eyes. He was standing with the local leaders.
“That is my man. That is my poem. He is a son of a gun. He is a horse of the long race. Me too. He is man of God, because he listened my poems with bulging eyes. Only he can listen all of my poems till his ears bleed.”

As Kalu Yadav’s speech ended, every soul was hypnotized, Prime Minister was mesmerized and there was a long silence. Prime Minister clapped first, and then everybody broke out of hypnotism and clapped.
Prime Minister whispered in the ear of his Political Adviser, “This new fellow – Kalu Yadav -- Today we hit a jackpot.”
Political Adviser smiled and nodded.
Prime Minister asked to Kalu Yadav, “Who wrote your speech.”
“Myself. But poems were not mine, Master wrote these poems. He has a collection of three thousand poems.”
“Who is this Master?” PM asked.
“Where is this Master?” Advisor asked.
“That is that Master.” Kalu Yadav pointed to a short young man wearing spectacles.
“I can’t figure him out in this big crowd of people,” PM said.
“There is only one man wearing winter clothes in this heat. That’s him.”
“Oh Yeah! He is the only one wearing winter clothes.”
Advisor said, “Look we have no time. We have to go to the site of the factory. Let’s take Master with us, will talk in the helicopter.”

They flew to the Kalu Yadav’s village; Chief Minister’s helicopter was following behind.
In the noise they had to shout to each other.
Prime Minister shouted, “Kalu Yadav, write me a speech and tell Master to add a poem.”
Kalu Yadav shouted, “OK,”
Master thought that Prime Minister wants to listen his poem. He opened his notebook and started shouting a poem.
“Master,” Kalu Yadav shouted, “Prime Minister wants me to write his speech and you have to add some poem to it.”
Master had tears of joy.
Kalu Yadav took one of Master’s notebook out and started writing a speech on an empty page.
“Be careful with my book. There are three hundred poems in it.”
“I will treat it as my only child.”
Kalu Yadav wrote a speech and Master added seven poems.
Prime Minister shouted, “Seven are too many.”
They agreed and argued, fought and laughed, wrote and erased, torn papers and then rejoined them and finally a speech was ready. Prime Minister was beaming with happiness.
Master was sad. “You butchered my notebook for papers.”
“No poem got damaged. I will copy them to a new notebook, my handwriting is good.”
“But the authenticity and originality will be lost. If I do the job myself I will lose precious time because in the same time I can write fifty more poems.”

Helicopters toured over the factory and landed in the Kalu Yadav’s village. They toured the village in a car and arrived at Kalu Yadav’s home. Prime Minister kissed his sick nephews in front of television cameras. Lighting arrangement was not proper so they had to repeat the shot three times. Prime Minister was not in the mood to drink tea so they all had water in the cups and sat in front of camera.

Then it was another speech session. A stage was set in the village, and a crowd was waiting. First Prime Minister gave the speech followed by Chief Minister followed by Kalu Yadav.
He thundered, roared, shouted, yelled and barked. He shook and waved the fists. He jumped, stomped and thumped. He punched in the air and on the table. He cried, wept, prayed and brayed. He sang and danced. He shook his head and nodded. He sat and stood. He rattled and battled. He bellowed and mewed. He cracked and snapped.

Chief Minister belonged to opposition party, he was always accompanied by his nephew who was his bribe collector.
Chief Minister whispered in his nephew’s years, “We are unfortunate that this Kalu Yadav is taken over by ruling party. This man has charisma.”
Nephew said, “I heard that stout guy Master who is wearing sweeter and muffler in this hot weather wrote his and Prime Minister’s speeches.”
“Yeah, He made my speech look like shit. Ask some body from the language department to contact him immediately. Lure this Master to our party; publish his poems on the state press. I want him to write my speeches.”
“Our speeches. Our whole family is in your cabinet. Or rather it is our cabinet.” Nephew replied.
They laughed.

It was the time for the Prime Minister to leave.
Kalu Yadav said, “Good bye.”
Prime Minister looked back and saw nobody there.”
“Whom you said Good bye?”
“To you, you are going to access the cyclone damage.”
“We got to make speeches there too. Elections are coming; there will be hundreds of speeches. We got to win this election. Are you not in the boat with us?”
“Actually it is my first day on the job. So I forgot.” Kalu Yadav said.
“You will now stay with me. When you speak, people stopped breathing.”
“Master taught me everything in four hours.”
“Bring the Master here. We want to recruit him too.” Prime Minister ordered.
Kalu Yadav said, “Master is not for sale sir.”
“What!”
“You must listen to his poems.”
“OK I will hear his poems.”
“Sir there is a big difference in hearing and listening.”
“That could be a problem.” Prime Minister said.
Master was brought he said, “I am not going because Chief Minister had made me an offer.”
“What are his terms?” Prime Minister asked.
“He will publish my poems on state press.”
“But we will sing them?” PM said.
“This is no good because my poems are explosive. Once they come to market everybody in India will be singing them.”
“How many poems you wrote so far.” PM asked.
“Three thousand five hundred and seventy five.”
Kalu Yadav said, “Yesterday you said you wrote three thousand and some small change.”
“That was yesterday.”
Prime Minister was desperate, “Master, we will publish your books on the national press and sing them too. We will put your poems in school text books.”
“OK, do you have a spare pajama?” He asked Prime Minister.
“Yes hundreds of them.”
“You are lucky because yesterday my wife kicked me out. I don’t even smoke and she kicked me out. Now I am writing sad songs, those songs I incorporated in your speeches today.”
Prime Minister said, “Yes! Yes! We all are lucky that she kicked you out, because today I need more sad speeches and poems.”
They boarded on Prime Minister’s Jet.

2

In the early morning, Ex. Prophet-of-doom of the Mumbai arrived at Karachi airport. Three Inter Service Intelligence (ISI) officers welcomed him and took him to a building in the town.
A doctor did his complete medical examination and gave him blood pressure medicine and insulin shots.
He was led to a room and it was apparent that his luggage was searched.
“So you were planning to settle in Canada as a Citizen of Panama.” One intelligence officer said.
“This was supposed to be a secret.”
“Pakistan is better then Canada.”
“Tell me how?” Ex. Don asked.
“We have missiles, nuclear bomb technology, opium, plastic explosives and more. We have specialized universities here offering PhD level courses in terrorism. We will give you an honorary PhD degree. See how much we your appreciate talents. No other country will do that.”
“I love the security, peace and serenity of Canada. I love mountains, bubbling rivers and blue water lakes.”
“Like a rat loves poison,” another ISI officer said.
“Please help me to attain my goal, I will serve your interests there.”
“No you won’t,” other Officer said.
“I promise.”
“Forget it brother. You are more valuable to us here. If you ever try to leave Pakistan without our consent we will pass your whereabouts to India,” Intelligent Officer said.
“Now I want to live in peace.”
“This means I have no choice.” Don murmured.
“Welcome to Pakistan, you just got a job.”
All three ISI officers shook hands with him.
Loudspeaker of the mosques came alive.
Intelligence Officer said, “It is praying time. We have a built-in mosque here. I heard you are a religious person too. Let’s go.”
After the prayer Ex. Don had epilepsy attack. Several ISI officers crowed his convulsing body.
“We should put something in his mouth.”
One ISI officer inserted the butt of his service revolver in his mouth.
They laughed because butt was too big and it muffled his groaning.
“Hey Akram, smell him your sock.”
ISI officer Akram had the smelliest feet in the world. He took off his sock and hung it, on the revolver in the Ex Don’s mouth. Don came out of epilepsy instantly. Everybody clapped.
One officer said, “See! Gun and stench work on you like a medicine. Why were you going to Canada? They have neither.”
One said, “Consider you are in a resort.”
Second said, “Welcome to Pakistan.”
Third said, “We will take care of you.”
Fourth said, “We appreciate your business and talents.”
Fifth said, “Canada will never appreciates your business and talents.”
Don pulled out revolver from his mouth and then looked at the sock in horror and crawled away from it.
Akram said, “You can keep both revolver and the sock. Both are our cottage industry products.”
Sixth said, “Birthday gift.”
Seventh said,” Happy birthday.”
Eighth said, “Let’s order a cake. It is your new birth?”
Everybody clapped.
Cake was ordered and everybody celebrated. A High-ranking military officer from Islamabad joined too. Cigarettes and Opium were served but liquor was not served because it was banned in Pakistan.
At the end Ex. Don was given an honorary key to the City of Karachi.
“We will take you to the club.” An army officer said.
“Club?”.
“Freedom fighters club.”
“I didn’t get you.”
“Like fire fighters fights the fire, this club fights the freedom.”
It was the Ex Don’s first laugh in the Pakistan.
Now Don was a Pawn.

3

Roger’s Jet flew from Bangkok. It was flying over the Andaman Sea. Roger was in his cabin, checking emails on his computer. Eddie knocked on the door.
“Come in.”
Eddie sat on a chair near the door and looked at his boss.
“What?” Boss asked.
“Boss, I work hard for you day or nights. I take you to good airports and bad airports. In sun, rain or snow I never said no to you.”
Roger was typing on his computer.
“Boss, I was saying that I take you around the world. I work long hours. I sit for you, I stand for you.”
Roger took a newspaper and started turning pages.
“Boss, I say, I must talk to you.”
“Then talk.”
“I was saying that I go with you and I come with you. Some time I sleep in the day and some time I sleep in the night because of Jet lag. I must talk to you.”
“Eddie, I am listening.”
“On your trips I am eating all kinds of food, I eat dhokla, golguppa, laddoo, idlee, dosa, bonda, pakoda, bhazzi and, and ….”
Roger was annoyed and he cracked, “What do you want Eddie.”
Eddie looked around in all corners of the cabin then he opened the door to peek, his copilot Captain Freddie was on his seat in the cockpit.
He whispered, “Boss I got piles.”
Boss started laughing.
“You got piles?”
Eddie nodded. Roger started laughing again.
“So Eddie how can I help you?”
“I want your permission to ask your friend Hermit, if he could help me? He is deep into herbs and stuff.”
“Permission is granted Eddie.”
“Thank you boss.”
“Don’t’ touch anything in this room and get out.”
Eddie returned to his seat in the cockpit.
Freddie asked Eddie, “Did you get the raise.”
“I didn’t ask for the raise.” Eddie replied.
“Stupid! Then what did you ask.”
“That I won’t tell you but I got what I asked.”
Freddie said, “You have no guts Eddie. I will show you how to ask.” Freddie rose and walked into the boss’s cabin.

Jet was flying over the town of Calcutta. Roger was working on his computer.
Freddie knocked. “Your Pilot ‘Captain Freddie’.”
“Yes Captain?”
Freddie entered and sat on the chair and started staring at his boss.
“What?” Boss asked.
“Boss, I fly you high and low. I take you up and down; I take you to snow or sand I never said no to you.”
Boss was still on his computer.
“Boss, I was saying that I took you to Jeddah, I took you to Accra, Alaska, Andorra, Amsterdam Athens. I took you to Budapest, Bucharest, Berlin, Beijing and Brisbane. I took you to Copenhagen, Caracas, Cairo, Chihuahuas and Casablanca. I took you to …”
Boss interrupted to cut him short, “Yes Freddie you took me to lot of places.”
“Boss, I say, I must talk to you.”
“Then talk.”
“I was saying that on our travels dogs, bit me twice, monkeys bit me thrice, buffalos hit me four times. Once I was witnessing a street bullfight in India I got hurt. Rats chewed up my uniform and you were mad, a bat came from nowhere and hung over my jacket, and a cat….”
Roger interrupted, “Freddie, I am obliged.”
Eddie looked around in all corners of the cabin then he opened the door to see if someone was there, his copilot Eddie was on his seat in the cockpit.
He whispered, “Thank you boss, that’s what I was looking for. A little appreciation.”
Roger was busy on his computer. Freddie was still there looking at the face of his boss.
“Now Freddie, you got my appreciation.”
“Can I kiss your hand?” Freddie requested.
Now boss paid attention to him. “Do you have any medical condition?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Keep your thoughts to yourself and get out.”

Eddie asked Freddie, “Did you get the raise.”
“I didn’t ask for the raise.” Freddie replied.
“Stupid! Then what did you ask.”
“That I won’t tell you but I got what I asked.”
Eddie said, “Boss is mopping up all the money from all corners of the world and we have no guts to ask for a decent raise.”
Freddie said, “Well, I guess we must enroll our self into some Dale Carnegie course.”

4

Kalu and Master were given hero’s welcome at the National Headquarter of the Ruling Party. Master needed a new notebook to write more poems.
“Where do I get a notebook?” He asked a party member.
“Everybody is busy, you must help yourself.”
Master looked around and found a pile of notebooks in a closet.
He asked twenty people about who is in charge but nobody gave him appropriate answer.
One said Party General Secretary, other said Financer Minister, third said Housing Minister, fourth said Supply Minister, fifty said Paper minister, sixth said Pulp minister, seventh said Chemical minister, eighth said Import Minister, ninth said Shipping Minister and tenth said Railway Minister, some body said Potato Minister, other said Onion Minister so on. Prime Minister had made many ministers to satisfying everybody so nobody knew who was responsible for a notebook.
Master wrote three poems on Indian bureaucracy.
Then a man solved his problem. He told him that he was a party’s poet so he was free to use the facility and the resources at his will.
Master wrote three poems on the freedom.

He said to Kalu, “You must listen to my six new poems.”
“Master I think you should call your wife.”
Master called his wife and she took the call.
“Hello my singing warm moon.” He was feeling cold at that time.
A messenger gave her the news that Prime Minister of India recruited her husband, she regretted kicking him out and wept whole day. She said, “I am sorry my heart. I will wash your feet and drink that water.”
A new poem was born.
”You must listen to my new poems.” Master said to Kalu Yadav.
It was a very long day and Kalu Yadav was having severe headache, finally pills worked and he was able to think.
A man said, “Tonight you both will be my guest at my home. Let’s go.”
They arrived at Party Member’s official palatial home. They ate dinner and went to the bedroom they were assigned.
Master opened his notebook, “You must listen to my works, it is getting better and better.”
Kalu Yadav had a plan. He looked from the window; a tree passed thought a section of the perimeter wall. All he needed ten seconds to make his escape.

Couples of kilometers away leaders of the National Opposition Coalition were having a damage control meeting. Their plan backfired and their guns were turned upon themselves. They knocked down a Lieutenant of the ruling party but handed them a bright Brigadier on a silver platter.
“This guy Kalu Yadav will nail our tails.”

5

Hermit, Vinita, Joshi and Rishi relaxed at the Alipore property, evening they spent at the at the beach. He told hundreds jokes, they all had their ribs paining.
On their way back they drank tea on a teashop. Shop had a wood stove, Rishi filled up a polythene bag with ash.
“Scavenger! What are you going to do with this ash?” Vinita asked.
“Have you ever heard about ash bath?” asked Rishi.
“No.”
“You will know it.”
They laughed.

At night they all went to sleep, Rishi took a large stainless steel plate and walked out wearing only a loincloth; he rubbed ash on his face and shoulders. With newspaper and rubber bands he made two large horns, installed these on his head with a thread. In a rusted iron bucket he set fire to some leaves and created smoke.
He stood at Hermit’s window and said in deep low voice. “Let’s go Gangagiri. Your time has come.”
Hermit was not sleep yet. He looked at the window; saw a naked white figure in smoke, with two huge horns. He was very frightened. He thought a demon god has arrived to take his soul to heaven and his final day has come.
Rishi clanged a stick on the plate.
Hermit screamed in fear.
Everybody ran to his room. He was shivering and clattering teeth.
Then Rishi also appeared there, in his costume.
“I told you too many jokes and wanted a reimbursement for the laugher.”
They couldn’t stop their laughter but they were angry again. Hermit was very embarrassed.
Rishi took a bath and went to sleep; he forgot to lock his door.
At midnight again he found himself surrounded by dwarf men. As he tried to stand on the ground, his cot fell upside down over him, on the soft earth. This time they have placed his cot’s all four legs on the small flat pieces of broken pottery pieces. He knocked the door and found Shiva laughing inside because he too was involved in the conspiracy.

6

A little before midnight Roger’s was sitting with his Mumbai CEO.
“What to do with this Rishi, he has unleashed a war in Mumbai.”
“It seems like he is out to finish any body he is displeased with.”
Roger sunk in the chair with his both hands on his head he had sweat on his temples.
“What are we going to do with Rishi and Hermit.”
“I think he came with me and he will leave with me.” Roger said, “Unless he has other plan. We are leaving in two days.”
“God forbid, if he has other plans.” CEO said, “Roger when are you getting married with Vinita?”
“Yes I want to marry her but this same Rishi has remote control button in his pocket.”
“Be careful?” CEO said.
“A gentle harmless face but behind it lays the blood-thirsty-goddess-Kali the Avenger.”

7

Ex Don was not able to contact his brother Danny in Mumbai.
He called Danny’s wife in Canada she started weeping.
“Sister, did Danny call you?”
“No big brother he did not call us, we wanted to ask you but you were also not answering the phone.”
“I left Dubai, I am in Karachi.”
“Big brother, I called my uncle in Mumbai, he mentioned about the rumor that Police arrested my husband and son.”
“Sister, don’t pay any attention to rumors.”
“Big brother, lawyers are asking for money.”
“We have no money.”
“Big brother, your wife and children are also weeping.”
Both started weeping.


End of Chapter 14